I never tried the McRib. I know three people who ate the KFC Double Down and then didn’t show up to work the next day. I did try Brunch Box’s famous YouCanHasCheeseburger and it was an excellent burger. Overall, it was a good eating year, but not everything was great. Here are some of the lowlights:

Sweet and sour chicken bento from a place in Lake Oswego.  Little fried balls of dough all uniformly round. Some, not all with tiny pieces of chicken on them served over rice. Right before handing them to me, the cashier pumps on cold sweet and sour sauce from a jar that looks like you’d find the ketchup in at a ball game.

Hushpuppies from the Bubba Bernie’s cart at Cartopia. I knew it would be trouble when he removed the bag from the freezer and grabbed six little balls and dropped them in a fryer. They were weirdly sweet and metallic. Really, how hard is it to make a hushpuppy, even in a cart. Note Bubba Bernies is no way connected to Bernie’s Southern Bistro, which is like 1000x better.

The lemon and olive chicken tagine I made. I got a new tagine for Christmas. I picked a recipe. It was salty, it was sour, it was olivey. It was not good.

Take and bake cheese pizza. Pizza can be so good. But take and bake, like Papa Murphy’s, can be so bad.

Onion rings. I love onion rings. The first onion ring is often the best thing I’ve ever tasted. But when it comes to the last onion ring, nothing has ever felt greasier or sat so heavily in your stomach.

Dutch Bros Coffee. Not one of the worst things I consumed, but easily the worst coffee I had all year.

Salvador Molly’s gazpacho. I use to love Salvador Molly’s in Portland. I think this was the first time I returned anything to the kitchen for the reason of being inedible.

Last night we went to a Spanish themed Christmas party. The hostesses made a great paella and everyone brought a dish to share. I decided to be ambitious and attempt a version of pulpo de la gallega. Basically, Octopus with potatoes.

I found a medium size Octopus at Newman’s Fish Company and also purchased some baby squid to augment it.

If you’ve never handled dead, raw octopus, it’s an odd feeling. It doesn’t have any substance to it. The head might be the size of a softball, but when pressed, disappears to almost nothing. Tentacles may be two inches round at one moment and then when moved, shrink down to just a flaccid thin layer of purple slime.

After cleaning the octopus, I threw it in a pot of boiling water with garlic, onion, celery and carrot for 45 minutes. In a separate pot, boiled sliced potatoes.

After the 45 minutes, I took the octopus out — by this time I had named him Sr. Ocho — and proceeded to remove the “skin.”  I added a now vivisected Sr. Ocho to the potatoes,and tossed with celery, red onion, olive oil, blood-orange vinegar, chile flakes and smoked paprika.

Sr. Ocho was delicious.

Two hours later, I took the dish out of the fridge to bring it to the party.  While removing it from the fridge, the dish slipped. Fell about 12 inches and shattered all over the floor.

No one else will ever know how good my pulpo de la gallega was.

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Iran has yellow cake
You have crispy oatmeal crunch.
North Korea is rattling sabers
All while I unwrap you.

Between those two cookies,
Enrobed in luscious chocolate
There lies a pure vanilla ice
that changes everything.

Middle East
Afghanistan
Work
It doesn’t matter.