The Worst Things I Ate in 2010

I never tried the McRib. I know three people who ate the KFC Double Down and then didn’t show up to work the next day. I did try Brunch Box’s famous YouCanHasCheeseburger and it was an excellent burger. Overall, it was a good eating year, but not everything was great. Here are some of the lowlights:

Sweet and sour chicken bento from a place in Lake Oswego.  Little fried balls of dough all uniformly round. Some, not all with tiny pieces of chicken on them served over rice. Right before handing them to me, the cashier pumps on cold sweet and sour sauce from a jar that looks like you’d find the ketchup in at a ball game.

Hushpuppies from the Bubba Bernie’s cart at Cartopia. I knew it would be trouble when he removed the bag from the freezer and grabbed six little balls and dropped them in a fryer. They were weirdly sweet and metallic. Really, how hard is it to make a hushpuppy, even in a cart. Note Bubba Bernies is no way connected to Bernie’s Southern Bistro, which is like 1000x better.

The lemon and olive chicken tagine I made. I got a new tagine for Christmas. I picked a recipe. It was salty, it was sour, it was olivey. It was not good.

Take and bake cheese pizza. Pizza can be so good. But take and bake, like Papa Murphy’s, can be so bad.

Onion rings. I love onion rings. The first onion ring is often the best thing I’ve ever tasted. But when it comes to the last onion ring, nothing has ever felt greasier or sat so heavily in your stomach.

Dutch Bros Coffee. Not one of the worst things I consumed, but easily the worst coffee I had all year.

Salvador Molly’s gazpacho. I use to love Salvador Molly’s in Portland. I think this was the first time I returned anything to the kitchen for the reason of being inedible.

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Onion Rings Rule(s)

Onion ring cravings are a pretty regular occurence, especially later into the evenings after some less than modest amount of alcohol has been consumed.  When the ring craving hits there are some basic rules to be aware of:

  1. Onion rings on burgers and sandwiches and even salads are highly encouraged.
  2. the first two onion rings you eat are likely to be the best food you’ve ever consumed.
  3. After the first two the law of diminishing returns kicks in very aggressively
  4. Ring number four or five will cause regret. If you proceed beyond rings four or five you will ask why you did this to yourself . . . again.
  5. Deep fried whole onions sliced into floral shapes  or bricks of onions are not viable ring substitutes.