How to Eat . . . Better

Catsup Is Not an Acceptable Condiment

November 8, 2010 by Kevin Murphy

Catchup serves one purpose, an easy way to add sugar and tomato sauce to homemade barbecue sauce. It is mildly acceptable to add sweetness or a bit of tang to burgers when no other options are available.

Suggested alternatives for french fry and tater tot dipping:

flavored aoili — herbs work fine, but try a little anchovy
poutine
vey thick vanilla milshake — try it, you can leave your thank you’s in the comments
spicy Thai peanut curry sauce
Camden’s Fry Sauce (includes catsup, but has a bit of kick), only acceptable because Camden’s fries are very salty and need some spice and sweetness to balance them out.
HP Brown Sauce

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged condiments | 1 Comment »

Chopsticks

November 7, 2010 by Kevin Murphy

Pros:

keeps you from shoveling food down your throat faster than you can enjoy it
impress less dexterous friends
fun to play lightsabers with

Cons:

awkward to eat peanuts with
friends may be more dexterous
when playing lightsabers, may inadvertently flick oilsoaked rice kernel at neoghboring diner

Rules:

Rubbing the disposable chopsticks together makes you look like you know what you are doing, but really serves no other purpose. There is no rule here, but the rules of pretentiousness apply.
Forks are acceptable to eat bento quickly while in your car.
Switching back and forth between fork and chopstick is not acceptable.
Using a fork to get the last of the oil and MSG soaked rice kernels is not acceptable.Please add any additional rules to the comments section

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged utensils | Leave a Comment »

Onion Rings Rule(s)

November 6, 2010 by Kevin Murphy

Onion ring cravings are a pretty regular occurence, especially later into the evenings after some less than modest amount of alcohol has been consumed. When the ring craving hits there are some basic rules to be aware of:

Onion rings on burgers and sandwiches and even salads are highly encouraged.
the first two onion rings you eat are likely to be the best food you’ve ever consumed.
After the first two the law of diminishing returns kicks in very aggressively
Ring number four or five will cause regret. If you proceed beyond rings four or five you will ask why you did this to yourself . . . again.
Deep fried whole onions sliced into floral shapes or bricks of onions are not viable ring substitutes.